Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I am naked and annoyed.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
