I just pynch a tree in the face
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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