There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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