I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
