In America we eat man semen.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
