I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
