I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
