You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
