A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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