Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
