I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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