I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
