Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
