I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
