Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
