Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
