I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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