I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
