Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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