I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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