I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
