How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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