Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
