Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
we should paint friendship bongs
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