While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I intend to get homeless drunk
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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