apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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