so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
