he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
