there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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