be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Randomize
