have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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