just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
