wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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