just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
