That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
