dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
