I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
