mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
