dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
