There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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