I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i dont even know how to be here
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
