Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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