dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
