I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
