hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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