The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
zippers are such a cool invention
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
