I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
