he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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