I'm jealous of your bromance
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
