feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I want to fling myself into the sun
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
