he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Randomize
