my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
