I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
and you fell through a lawn chair
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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