I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
